Being a mom, I mean a REAL mom, is the hardest job ever, and I am struggling.
Matthew is everything to me, and I think I am a good Mom and then I see him struggling, and being overwhelmed and I feel like a failure.
We have had a bad week, and I cant shake this mood I am in, I just want to cry, oh wait I have been!
When you are a Dad and you have a kid anytime something happens the DAD jumps to blame someone else....it cant be my kid... No way, it has to be someone Else's fault that there is a problem.
BUT as a MOM, I reflect on everything and EXAMINE ME FIRST, before blaming anyone else.
Did I read to him enough, did i spend enough time with him, did I help him when he needed help, did I listen when he was telling me something, what did I do or not do to cause him to struggle.
Matthew is doing GREAT in his school work, BUT behavior wise we are having issues. He pushed a 1st grader, he threw rocks up the slide, he layed on the floor queeking when he was supposed to be getting instructions on what to do, and today he just wanted to be silly and not listen, the teacher moved him to another table and he DID all his work so I know he can do it and I know he is smart, so what is wrong all of the sudden??? Why the acting out?
How do I fix it? How do I help him? What did I do or not do to make this all happen? What id he trying to tell me? Why is he acting up like this? I know I am missing something! WHAT IS IT????
He is a good boy and super smart, why JUST THIS WEEK is he acting out in school.
Thousands of things go thru my head, Maybe it IS my fault because we put up the Christmas tree and I wrapped all his gifts but wont let him open them, that is when this all started, MONDAY morning, he saw all his presents, is this just torturing him to see them and not be able to open them? Did I put the tree and gifts all out too soon?
Is he still overwhelmed at school and this is his way of dealing with stress at the age of 4? Should a 4 year old have stress?
The fact that the teacher put him over at a table all by himself honestly JUST MAKES ME MAD!!!!! And breaks my heart that to think of him over by himself....... WTH??? If he is having behavioral problems when it comes to interacting with other kids, HOW IS SEPARATING HIM going to help????? My poor little man all by himself, that's not what she is paid to do, is she just tired of him? If so that's a problem in my book, TUITION is NOT cheep and she is not paid to just separate him, During that time that he is with HER and not ME she is paid to ohhh I DON'T KNOW......TEACH HIM!!!! Not put him off by himself
I am still so very proud of him, all his work comes home so good and he is so smart he is writing his name and can read it too and knows all the letters and number by looking at them. He seams to be doing good when it comes to the work, just not the interacting with other kids, He is an only child how can I help with that at home???
I say it again I am still so super proud of him, and when she told me all that stuff I got upset and grounded him and took stuff away from him, then I thought.......I AM HORRIBLE!!!! What am I doing??? I don't know WHY the acting up is happening, it is NOT like him, He needs to know that his Mom is here for him and supportive and will work with him no matter what the problem. UGGGGGG
I feel so HELPLESS, he is old enough to tell me his needs, but not really old enough to tell me whats happening inside......what he is feeling....what is wrong....I am gonna make an appointment with the principal tomorrow, cause I just cant stomach the thought of him being separated from the class instead of being taught how to interact, IT IS PRESCHOOL, that's what is supposed to be learned there....THE BASICS!!
I hate this feeling, and I don't know how to fix it!!! Is he too little??? DO I pull him from school for the year and try again for kindergarten, or keep trying???? UGGGGGG
2 comments:
I personally think that Matthew is perfectly fine. Perhaps there is angst about the Christmas presents and the excitment of Santa, the snow, the everything Christmas for him..perhaps he is just having one of those weeks. I am sure you as a mother have nothing to do with his behavioral problems..but I do know how you feel, i'm struggling with my frist grader on many things as well. But Matthew is in preschool and learning the basics, in my opinion justifys a bit of time out to say that this type of behavior is unacceptable. But then again how long was he placed at an alone table? Like 4,5, 10 min or hours? A small quiet time out sure but long drawn out ones are doing nothing..I'm sure a nice visit with the principle will help calm your mama bear thoughts, one way or another. Miss Laura, your a wonderful mother, wife, homemaker, everything will turn out well..remember he has many more years to go..once he gets a grip on the good vs negative behaviors then all will be calm..:) Much love and hugs to you..:) ME
Laura you are an amazing mom. BREATHE. He could be having a bad week. I could be anything triggering this. He is still a little boy and all of this is new to him. I know what is like to worry and stress when something is going on with a child. My ten year old has been in SO much trouble at school last year that I thought I was the worst parent on earth. Every time something happened I blamed myself and it si difficult not to. I would meet with the teacher and principle together and try to put together a plan so you are all on the same page.
I can see if the teacher put him at a table alone for maybe four minutes (isn't the rule of thumb one minute for every year of their aga??) but anything longer than that will not do any good. He will just become upset that he is being singled out or seperated and it could make the issue worse.
HUGS! It will all be okay.
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