What a week

Man, this was the longest week in history.  I don't know if it all just really hit all at once, but between work, and home and bills and loans, and family it all caught up with me at once.

I thought that work would be something that i could just flow with and would all just fall into place, it started off all smiles and sunshine, and then bam, I did this order wrong and this one wrong and that one wrong and every single situation was completely different so nothing to compare to for next time. And then there are other ways to get exceptions, and my talk time goes up and my after call work went up and maybe I am not as good at this as i thought. every one says my stats are all still great and it looks good on paper but man oh man, when you are like me and a perfectionist it is super hard to stay on top of it all at once when you are just learning with every single call.

Bills bills and more bills pile thru the door until i feel like my house is wallpapered in outstanding bills, ok so maybe it is not that bad, but i hate being slapped in the face with surprises. Ugggg. It feels like sometimes i am running in a marathon that never ends, there is no finish line there is no winner there is not stopping or break in there at all.  Not that i want "the finish line" of life or anything....but man the whole lather rinse repeat, lather rinse repeat, lather rinse repeat... get up go to work, eat sleep, get up go to work, eat, sleep, get up go to work, eat sleep.....then give all your money to other people just to do it all over again the next week....really???? whats that about??? When do i get to get up go to work, eat at a 5 star restaurant, sleep in a luxury bed that doesn't break my back and spend money that i make on me instead of paying damn bills, we are supposed to work to LIVE, not live to work, just so you can pay uncle sam and all the damn bill....where my bail out???

Then there is the whole family thing....love to hate....man, maybe i shouldn't go to much into that topic but it really put a strain on my week... ugggg!!! Sometimes you just need an outlet when you are feeling hurt or sad and that even back fired on me this week.  I am not built to keep everything all bottled up but who do you talk to when you have no one to talk to?

When it comes to building relationships with people around you how do you know what is real and what isn't? recently we have had people walk into our lives that seam to be true and honest and want to be there and around, but really when it comes down to it, what happens when you are not looking. some instances that I will not go into have happened and there are times when i feel so used and taken advantage of that it really makes me mad. Is that really the case? Is that really whats happening? or is it that i feel that way because I have issues? Do i see the best in people or do i try to find the worst just so i am prepared and don't get hurt?  Hmmm I do not know the answers to these questions so i imagine that i will go on the way it is until either i see that it is all good or until i have had enough of feeling used that it all blows up, either way I guess only time will tell, lets just hope that i am not on the local news.......

Well I think i am done for now!